franceschen.tumblr.com

So much easier to update, sorry blogger! Perhaps I shall return to you laterrr

Typical

The senior lifestyle is good.
Halloween & homecoming are looking reeeeally exciting.
Recital season is hectic, yet totally worth it.
College apps -especially Pomona's early deadline this week- are stressful.

Basically, everything's how it should be (:
Sometimes predictability is nice!

P.S. Turning 18 has made such little impact on my life so far, it doesn't even feel like I'm legal; then again, I haven't even gone to see a rated R movie after I turned 17... I should really start taking advantage of my age.

I am not Helen Burns

"Shalin Shah": i love helen burns
"Shalin Shah": i wish i was that nice
"Shalin Shah": ok no i dont
"Shalin Shah": i wish you were that nice

He is Mr. Brocklehurst! D:

Ugh

So I'm sick. Currently wearing two sweaters and am still chilly! D:

Yearbook initiation was so fun... I'm glad I didn't get a lot sicker from it!
Pictures on FB

Counselors

Counselor recs are so frustrating.

So the cake I baked yesterday was all for nothing because it turns out that my senior boy, who is actually a sophomore, didn't even have a game today. ):< Stupid inconsistent water polo games!

Although I must admit, it was a good cake (:
(I frosted it with vanilla frosting + crushed cocoa pebbles & Reese's topping)

By the way, I ended up eating the cake because I couldn't find my boy/was too lazy to look through the chaos that is club rush...

On another note, I GOT MY FOUR RECITAL COSTUMES TODAY! Maybe I'll upload them... someday. I doubt it though, senior year is so busy... Luckily, the costumes aren't TOO ugly this time! Almost acceptable, if I may say so myself(:

Saturday is going to be fun.
& I really don't want to get sick.

Let them eat cake

My cakes have personality! (:
(It came out of the oven like this)

Teacher Recs

YESYESYES, REQUIREMENTS FOR TEACHER RECS ARE DONE!

Just need to turn them in mananaaaa, I have not felt this relieved in a while... I can just imagine how great it's gonna feel once I get past college apps & financial aid forms :D

Today was fun-ish, but tiring... kind of. I stayed at school (mainly because Ricky made me) during 6th to work on layouts and only got one done; thinking of elements is so difficult! ): After school I watched Ricky and Edward draw John & Winoma(?) from The Crucible on the board which was fairly amusing, I wish I could've taken a picture of it! Anyways, then I went to the mall (and then back to Ricky's house cause he forgot his backpack -_-) and then to the mall again where I read Jane Eyre while Ricky and Chris did homework. Jane Eyre is a good book, but it's awfully long. D: I'm only like halfway through the novel...

I went home around 7 where my dad, who was walking Charlie at the park, called me to tell me how he met another dog owner whose dog looked EXACTLY like Charlie ("They could be brothas!"). The guy said that his dog was purebred so there may be a large possibility that Charlie is a purebred too! We always thought he was mixed because he was rather large for a Pomeranian, plus the pound rarely has purebred dogs up for adoption. So... a pleasant surprise, kind of? Idk, I had heard that purebred dogs have more health issues... "/

I turn 18 in 13 days.

Like that annoying kid who never goes away,

stress never leaves me alone. ):

Asdfghjkl;
It's 12:30 AM at the moment and I'm craving a midnight meal! Only in Taiwaaaaan... D:

So I finished all my hw today so I could save tomorrow solely for college app stuff.
Need to:
- Go to Target/Staples to buy "self-adhesive/peel-and-seal" envelopes for Hinman's rec requirements
- Organize teacher rec stuff
- Finish filling our Common App
- Personal statements, seriously.
- Financial aid & the 1234567890 pages of paperwork that come with it
School:
- Read Jane Eyre/journal
- Start Jude the Obscure...

College Board reminded me that both my birthday & Oct SAT is 13 days away. Thanks, College Board, for brightening up my day! 70% sure I'm going to do worse on M2C & Lit this time around.


Wishful thinking...!

Probably not worth reading

I am a terrible blogger.

College apps:
Teacher recs, applying for financial aid and personal statements are stressing me out. Luckily, I think I've finally narrowed down my choices for private/out of state schools: NYU, USC, Pomona & BU. I know there are alot of other amazing private/out of state schools, but these are just the few that meet my preferences like location (Pomona & USC are close to home; NYU & BU are close to my aunt's home) and potential major. But I guess we'll see what happens. Of course, I'm still planning on applying to UCs (currently UCLA, UCSD, UCI, UCD) but those apps don't open up until Oct 1st so I'm not really stressing about them yet. 2 essays done, who knows how many to go. ):

School:
Having my only four AP/academic classes in the morning is pretty nice since I get to get everything over with. (: It really sucks when I have an econ & calc test on the same day though... Calc is pretty tricky stuff, and it's only the first chapter. ): I miss Roach/pre-calc aloooot! As for English, it really isn't as fun anymore. The people in my class aren't boring, but the class itself is rather dull. I miss Hinman's wittiness. "/ Sorry my post isn't particularly invigorating. I really don't have much to report except that I'm really hoping to branch out this year. No more staying in the backroom during lunch anymoree!

Premonition:
October is going to be a hectic/exciting month, [mostly] looking forward to it! (:

Hello, Senior Year

00_AP Econ_St. Clair
01_AP Calc AB_Booze
02_AP Environmental Science_Kirkpatrick
03_AP Lit & Comp_Lewis
04_3-D Design_Schluter
05_Yearbook_Weaver
06_Free

Side rant: I hatehatehatehate hypocrites. SO MUCH. To be specific, I hate the people who don't even go out of their way to avoid the habits that they themselves criticize. Even more, I dislike people who don't live up to their word. If you're going to do something, DO IT. I understand that some people are just too lazy to fulfill their promises but if they can't even go through with what they say, they have absolutely no right to criticize others when they fail to live up to their expectations. What's more, admitting your lack of responsibility means nothing unless you work to improve it. A huge pet peeve of mine, which has been building up recently, is when people admit that they didn't live up to their word but then do nothing about it. A confession does not equal a waiving of responsibility. Ugh, tolerance is a tedious practice.

P.S. I really want to ask for steering wheel & car seat covers for my birthday...
I hate leather.

Dependent

I hate feeling so dependent on other people in Taiwan. I miss being able to drive myself anywhere & having a cellphone! Sorry if I come off as a brat, but I really hate being dependent on others. ):<

I'm in Pintung now and last night I watched "Nobel Son" with my family in my uncle's insane home theater. I really like "Nobel Son", it was so twisted/trippy!

Applications

Starting college applications online is kinda a scary experience.
I wish I could figure out what I want to major in!
Mom wants pre-med, dad wants whatever I want and I'm leaning more towards communications.
It's unfortunate that I am not a science person and never have been, but I wouldn't mind having a medical career.
My mom said it wasn't difficult to be a doctor, and while I highly doubt that, the difficulty of becoming one isn't my primary concern. My primary worry is that I really don't think I could be a good doctor. That's why I'm leaning towards communications, and more specifically, design. Although the need for designers is much more lacking than the need for doctors, this career choice is more appealing simply because I know it's something I'm good at. True, I'm not the best, but I can learn and I suppose it helps that I love design.

Still, the problem persists: what to put as a potential major?!

Restart

Since the last time I've posted I've gone to two coutries, one of which I am residing in right now. My vacation in Japan wasn't as exciting as I hoped it'd be, mostly because everything was way too overpriced. On the good side, the food was so, so good. I can't even describe how amazing the food was. Now I think the no matter the ethnic background of a dish, the Japanese can simply make it better. While being in Japan wasn't exactly the eye opening experience that I'd hoped it'd be, it was nice seeing how the other side of the world lived. They drive on the opposite side of the street, have incredible hygiene and impeccable manners. I feel as though I'm doing Japan a serious disservice by not mentioning its other qualities but to be honest, I don't remember much since I've been overwhelmed by Taiwan.
Taiwan, to put it simply, is my absolute favorite place to vacation. Good food, good shopping, what more do I need?! I guess a good answer to that would be good company. While I'm staying with family friends, I can't help feeling nostalgic at times. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss my dog. I miss my car too. It's so weird not being able to go anywhere by myself again! But besides the expected nostalgia, my vacation is going pretty fantastic!
Last weekend, I went to Kenting, a beach area in southern Taiwan, with Annie, Fabio, their two cousins, my dad, my brother, Scott, Wesley, and Aunt Tsai. It took us about two hours to get there but we stopped by a local shop to get "naked green bean soup" before going to the hotel. NAKED GREEN BEAN SOUP IS SOOOOO GOOOOOD. Really, it was deliciousssss! But anyways, we arrived at the hotel and moved our luggage into our hotel room (everyone was staying in one hotel room) with two bedrooms and two baths. Then Annie showed us around the resort and we played on the beach that was connected to our beach resort, which was called Yoho. The beach was pretty nice, except there was ALOT of corral on the sand since it also had a tide pool. After wandering the beach, my dad, brother, Wesley, Scott and I went to swim in the pools. I admit I was kinda hesitant about wearing a bikini then cause I felt reaaally out of shape from Taiwanese/Japanese food. But yeah, we swam and it was kind of awkward with Scott. I'll give a background so you know what I'm talking about:
Scott was a childhood friend. He was born exactly one day after me, 10/11, and he ic currently going to school in Illinois. He stayed at my house for a summer when we were young along with my cousins because he was my cousins' neighbor at the time. Since that time I hadn't seen him until three years ago when I went back to Taiwan in the summer. That summer I hadn't talked to him at all since we were both going through that awkward teenage "too cool/shy to talk to anyone" phase. (Hahaha) But upon going back to Taiwan this time, Scott was really amiable and he and my brother became fast friends when my brother stayed in Ping Dong with my cousins since KaioShiung got too boring for him. When he came with us to Kenting I still hadn't talked to him at all because I hadn't seen him and we didn't really talk until that night.
After swimming, we went to the local night market where I bought two dresses and a cute umbrella. (That was also when my dad, brother, and aunt left because my dad and brother had a flight to catch back to the US the next day.) So, with only the younger kids left, we went back to the hotel where part of the group went to the beach to go star watching. The stars that night were absolutely beautiful. It's funny how you forget small things like that when you live in the city. The breeze was warm that night and the ocean was relatively peaceful as we watched the stars. Fabio, my cousin's cousin, whose house I am staying at in Taiwan, has astrology as one of his hobbies so as we sat there he used his laser pointer to show us which stars were which and even provided us with binoculars to see the stars up close. He said he saw 4 shooting stars that night, but I saw none. I have yet to see any shooting stars in my lifetime. ): But anyways, we star watched for about two hours and in those two hours I got to talk and catch up with Scott. He was throwing rocks into the ocean when he first talked to me saying, "If I throw this past the tide pools, you have to run around the entire beach!" Not a conventional way to start a conversation, but I played along. Seeing as it was a pretty far distance away I agreed. He didn't make it, but I don't think he intended to since after that we started talking about, pretty much everything. I asked him about life in Illinois and he asked about Cali high school dances and etc. In the midst of our conversation, he saw a shooting star in the sky behind me and I was pretty sad that I didn't see it. So after that he said that I wasn't allowed to look at him while we talked anymore since I had to see a shooting star that night. I didn't/tried not to look at him the rest of the conversation but I still wasn't able to see a shooting star. He saw two that night. All in all, he's a sweet guy but (sadly) I probably won't see him much this summer since he's staying in another city (Ping Dong).
I don't know why I chose to talk about this instead of everything else that I've done in Taiwan. Maybe because this- the revival of an old friendship- meant the most to me? All I do know is that this is still the beginning of my stay in Taiwan/internship & I'm really looking forward to the rest of it. (:

After dinner at the night market!

Senior?

It feels like soo much has happened since the last time I blogged: finals, graduation, and now summer. It really feels like too much to even describe.

In regards to graduation, I don't think it's hit me that they're really gone. On Thursday in yearbook, it felt so empty without the seniors. It's made me realize that I had been a lot closer to the seniors than with the juniors, which now leaves me feeling kind of friendless. (Time to work on social networking within my own class?) But besides that, I'm so grateful that I did become close with those graduating because the friendships we forged will last for a lifetime(: (Honestly, I’d rather be friends with people who I know will leave than be friends with some of the people who I know won’t. ) So what if I don't see them daily anymore? We'll always have the memories that'll last us a lifetime and those who really are close to me; I know for sure I will see them often, even if they are going to college.
Junior year is over, and I'm sad to see it go. Despite the academic/emotional challenges this year held, I feel as though I enjoyed this year the most. The main reason behind my enjoying this year the most is probably the progress I've made with myself. Life has forced me to change; and I hope, after a long, and often seemingly hopeless, trek, that I've bettered myself. I've realized that bitterness is a wasted emotion, but also that sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes optimism just isn’t enough to get you through the day.
Maybe senior year will be better, but I kind of doubt it since, again, most of the people who I'm close with have graduated. But we'll see.

I'm leaving for Tokyo/Taiwan in 3 days & I'm sooo excited to travel! I can finally get away from this ironically dreary So Cal weather and start over, kind of. Interning alone in another country is really going to allow me to focus on myself, without the endless distractions that I have back here, so I'm determined to focus on thinking more independently, for myself, for once. Can't wait, can't wait! (:

Pedestrian

I'm Frances. I messed up on my beads today. Again. FML.
Tuan is over, and he says he's really cool (but he's a boy scout who can't tie knots D:)
Actually, Tuan is a pretty cool guy. If I had to be stuck on an island with someone whose initials were TN, he would be my first choice. So better luck next time Tricia Nguyen, Tapa Ngalu, and Ted Nugent :/
n e ways, today we made something secret for a certain group of people; I can't say n e thing until Monday, so stay tuned.

Insult of the day:
"I'm sorry; I don't know how to deal with you. I'm not a proctologist."
-anonymous

Status

So, I'm kinda, sorta really happy these days (:
Counting/dreading the days to summer!

Insult of the day:
"Frank, you are ten of the most boring people I know."
-Hawkeye, M*A*S*H

Released

Today was the big day: the day Ever Present, volume 45, was released.

To say the least, I am so overwhelmingly happy with all the positive feedback we've gotten! Although sometimes I feel like Caitlyn & I don't get enough credit for our layouts, I'm still so happy to know that people love our work. (:
This is going to be hard to top next year...

On another hand, today was absolutely hectic.
Spanish grammar quiz, vocab quiz, math test, physics project and yearbook distribution.
Theeeeen, after distribution Josephine, Caitlyn & I went to Chipotle!(:
When we got back to school Caitlyn, because she's the smartest girl evaaaa'(; , locked her keys in her trunk. So I had to take her home so she could get her keys! I didn't mind, though, cause I laaaaave talking to 1/2 Franclyn, my other half! (:

There are so many happy faces in this post, I think I'm being excessively/unnecessarily happyy.

Nerves

The yearbook is being released tomorrow, and I am so nervous, seriously. Caitlyn & I (Franclyn), along with the rest of the Ilium staff, have put in so many hours into this 400-ish page book. Having contributed to this year's book alot more than last year's, since I was layout editor this year, I feel so much more attached to this book than "Out of Bounds." I think it's pretty safe to say it's like Franclyn's baby is being born tomorrow, and 2631 people are going to be there to judge how pretty it is. (Hahahaha, weird analogy, but it works!) Oh well, I guess it doesn't really matter what people think about our "kid" anyways. What really matters is the friendships and good times that I've had within the last year with my Ilium family. The inside jokes, stupid pranks and timeless traditions: all the things that can't be tainted by the criticism of the public. Ilium Staff/Family of 08-09, I love you. (:

Underwater Enchantment

My laptop is finally letting me blog! (:
Soooo, Prom was amaaaazingly fun. I went to San Gabriel in the morning where I met my mom & I got my hair done. I got home at around 12:30-ish when I went out to eat at Seafood Palace (Lol) with my familiaaaa. After lunch, I got ready and went to pick up Ronak/the flowers. We drove to Cerritos Mall where we met Todd, Tamulyn, Jane & Justin (it's so much less stressful with a small group!). Anywayssss, Ronak & I got lost at least 3 times, but it's okay, car adventures make things more exciting! Also, he's a creeper who has amazing eyesight; go figure, hahaha. After Say Cheese where we saw alot of people, we headed over to Long Beach's BJs. Since we got there early, we walked around and went into this one store where we colored a turtle, haha. Theeeen we met Jay's group at 7pm and watched the Lakers game (well the guys, anyways) during dinner. When we finally got to the Aquarium of the Pacific, we walked around the exhibits, which was pretty fun! I met up with the Ilium kids at 9:30 when we took our picture after camera whoring with Caitlyn/Emily for at least 10 min. The view on the aquarium patio was sooo nice! All in all, prom was so much fun; I can't wait for next year (;

Pictures are all up on Facebooooook!

Tomorrow, tomorrow

This week seemed so, so long; mostly because everyone was looking forward to prom tomorrow. On Tuesday I updated my photo wall(!):






































We shot our APUSH poster picture on Tuesday, too (:















Taking silly pictures in yearbook on Tuesdaaaay!

PROM IS TOMORROW & I AM SO EXCITED!
Schedule (for my own reference) :
9:30 San Gabriel to meet my mom
10:00 Hair appointment
2:00 Pick up corsage/boutinniere
3:00 Meet at Say Cheese
7:00 Meet at BJs
8:00-9:00 Aquarium of the Pacific

Reflect

Thursday- Troy dance team's Spring Show was amaaaaazing! Too bad I dropped Jenny off at the wrong house afterwards -_-

Friday- Yearbook tryout submissions! Stayed at school 'til 5pm with Weaver, Sarah, Sung Hyun, Andy, Tuan, Abraham & Jeff to look over all the submissions. Serious fun, but can't say who got in yet! (;

Saturday- I CLEANED MY ROOM! Huge accomplishment; well for me, at least. Then I went to Costco for lunch with my dad, brother & cousin. Afterwards, we headed over to Borders/Anchor Blue. I really miss reading nonacademic books... ): Went to dance @ 3pm & came homeeee. I'm excited for recital in November! (:

Sunday- SPANISH VIDEO PROJECT! Steph arrived at my house first, then Jessica came & theeeen Monica! Then, we went to Chipotle to get the quesedillas, Rubios to get the taquitos and PetSmart to get dog food for Charlieeee. We met Ken @ Rubios & headed back to my house to eat lunch/start filming. Later on, we went to Ranch Hills to film where Steph unsuccessfully drove Ken's car (LOL). How lucky are we that we got Gore to fill in as Miguel? Hahaha. Today's weather was gorgeous, but unbelieveable hot! PROM IS IN 6 DAYS, EXCITED!

Insult of the day:
Mallory (Justine Bateman): I'm glad Nick & I are so compatible. It's like we have one mind, you know? Like we share one brain.
Alex (Michael J. Fox): Who's using it tonight?

El Fin?

Today marked the End to AP tests this year!!
Sadly, there's still the Business Management two day IB test next week. "/
Oh well, almost there! Besides, prom makes it all worth it!
Today was pretty tiring. APs wore me out in the morning but that, combined with a makeup math test in 5th and my period fatigue just made me reeeally tired.
The weather's so nice nowadays, I love it. I just hate how dehydrated I'm getting. Today I had a nosebleed & now Charlie won't stop licking me. (Sorry, TMI?)

Today's goals:
-50 questions on APUSH Final Study Guide
-Bake
-Secret Project, hehe

Insult of the Day:
Ugarte (Peter Lorre): You despise me, don't you?
Rick (Humphrey Bogart): If I gave you any thought I probably would.

-Casablanca (1942)

Potential

So I found the perfect accessories for my dress on Forever 21 online but hopefully they have it in store @ the Brea mall! If not, I guess I'll just have to order online. "/

Today was alright, but there isn't much to say about it.

Things I've Learned from today:
1) Don't play "Would You Rather..." with Greg. Ever.
2) Actually, that's pretty much it.

I'm getting excited for Prom... ! Time to go bake now.

Mission Complete

So today I left my house at 1 with my brother to get an early start on the road to Arcadia. Unfortunately, I realized I had left my phone at home when I was halfway there... so I had to turn around to get it. Other than that misfortune, the mall was absolutely packed. I ended up parking about 1/2 mile from the mall in the farthest, creepiest lot. But on the good side, my mom helped my find my prom dress at V Generation in the new promenade that opened up last Thursday! The Arcadia mall (Westfield Santa Anita) is HUGE, but it was really hot because there were so many people. Anyways, after the mall we went to dinner.

Dinner was amazing! So much good food, all Beijing style. So, so yummy. It was so good seeing my family again! I just wish Mother Nature didn't have to visit me today. ): (Sorry, TMI.) After dinner we drove to see my mom's new apartment that is super close to the mall. It was really pretty! That's pretty much how my day went. I'm so exhausted now; the driving, weather, food coma and shopping really drained me. Next mission: shoes & accessories!

































































-edit-
After getting home last night my dad came home to take me to Carol & Connie's house. It was really good seeing them again & catching up. They make college sound like so much fun, I really can't wait to goo! Anyways, we left their house around 12 & I drove home because my dad had drank while all the adults were singing karaoke, haha.

Forward

It's finally over, the APUSH test is finally DONE WITH!
I feel so relieved now, it's an amazing feeling.
So after school, to celebrate our newly restored freedom, Steph & I went out with JennyLeeeee to the Brea mall where Jenny tried to get me to ask these two guys (who weren't even cute ): ) if they knew a good place to get shaved ice. We were like seriously one foot away from them going "YOU ASK THEM! No, YOU ask them!" So then I think they were flattered and followed us to the puppy shop. Thankfully, they left soon (even though we spotted them in Sears later...). Jenny Lee is so sillaaaaay. We eventually did get our shaved ice though! Jenny took us to Life Plaza where we had yummy shaved ice, watched Men in Black, got watched by our bad waiter while we tipped him, and played Uno. On the way back to Fullerton we sang fun Chinese songs in the car like Tong Hua and Kan Guo Lai. :D So overall, today was really good.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow when I'm gonna go prom dress shopping with my mom & then have dinner with my grandma, aunt & uncle for Mother's Day! There is so much to look forward to these days. (:

Liability

I wish I could help my dad make $$! ):
Today I found out my brother & cousins started using the (not sure what it's called) food program for students with parents that have low incomes. I feel so useless; all I am is a financial liability. My dad works so hard to support my family and never asks for anything in return; I wish I could do the same. I love my dad, he deserves the world for all the selfless things he does for us.

On the other hand, Mother's Day is this Sunday. I think I have an idea for a present but I'm still working on it!

APUSH in 2 days!
9 practice tests so far & 2/3 more to go!

Insult of the day:
"You know, Ice-T's been in the game so long, they should just call him Ice Age. I tried to listen to one of Ice-T's songs... but I didn't have no cassette player."
-rapper Snoop Dogg on Ice-T

Improvement

6 APUSH practice tests later, I'm finally seeing improvement!
I love how I'm not stressing out over the AP history exam this year because I/Steph have/has pushed me towards not procrastinating. Barnes & Noble sessions with Stephanieeeee help so much!
Such a good feeling... despite the stress that comes with the APs this week, I kinda, sorta like this week!

Still looking forward to the weekend though! (:
OH, & THE YRBK MEETING TOMORROW!


P.S. I feel like I'm gaining 2134232 pounds because I feel obliged to buy hot chocolate from B&N's cafe since I'm using their facilities. I think I've bought at least four within the last week. D:

Insult of the day:
"There was a giant fire in Hollywood. Investigators thought it was started by two teenagers, who started the fire by rubbing the Olsen twins together."
-talk show host Craig Ferguson

Unexpected

Random source of inspiration today in the Spanish textbook:

Con paciencia se gana lo imposible

For those who don't take Spanish: "With patience, you can achieve the impossible."
I know it sounds pretty cliche, but the timing of it all just made it more... relatable?

These last couple days I've been feeling the most unburdened that I have felt in months. Ironically, it's right before the APs but I mean... spiritually(?), I feel at peace with myself. It's so relieving.
All you need in life is good food, good friends & good weather. (:

Insult of the Day:
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
-Albert Einstein

Drained

Today, I went to Barnes & Noble with StephanieFong and we studied for APUSH from 9:30 am to 7 pm. (Well, we took a lunch break and went to Chili's.) But wow, I am so drained right now, I think my brain is complete mush. I took two practice tests and I think I'm kind of, sort of screwed for multiple choice. Also, I'm in love with the REA prep book & I hate my stupid Princeton book even more now.

Sorry this post is rather unexciting! My day wasn't very exciting to begin with. "/
I can't wait to get this week over with!


By the way, I don't why but many people have said that I've gotten skinnier lately & it just doesn't make sense to me.
1) I eat alot more because I'm just sitting around studying nowadays
2) I just weighed myself and I gained 2 pounds

So no, I have not gotten skinnier. Don't worry... ! D:

Mother, dearest

I feel so relieved from talking to my mom today. She came over after taking my brother & my half siblings to the circus and we just talked about everything for 2 hours straight. I came to realize that we were so alike when she was in high school, it's just scary how similar we are. You probably don't know why I'm so freaked out so I'll just mention some of the things we talked about.

She always told me to never have a boyfriend in high school but ironically, she had one. Her first boyfriend was in military school while she attended an all girls school so it was kind of a long distance relationship. It was so cute though cause they would write each other letters and once, he gave her all his money after they went to the movies because she didn't have enough money to take the bus home so he ended up having to sell some stamps in his pockets to strangers on the street in order to get home. Ahhh! So cute! (: He was such a nice guy... But anyways, we talked about boys and she told me that:

You shouldn't change yourself to impress a guy. Don't lower your standards, don't apologize for something that wasn't your fault for the sake of the relationship, don't compromise yourself for his benefit, don't make yourself miserable for someone who doesn't deserve that amount of energy/emotion spent on him because simply put, relationships shouldn't make your life more difficult or cause undue unhappiness. If a boy doesn't make your life better, then why bother? A good relationship should only add to your happiness, supplement it, not hinder it. Don't rely on other people because that relates directly to disappointment. In the end, all you have is yourself. Don't waste your time on high school boys because at this age, they're really just too immature to fully appreciate you. Because you haven't had to time to experience the world yet, high school is all you know. That's why every boy makes such a huge impact on your life, like a tidal wave in a pool. But realistically, pools are minuscule. We have yet to experience the rivers, the lakes, the seas, the oceans. Therefore the only thing you can do right now is to make yourself a better person because one day, you will meet someone who can appreciate you for exactly how you are and who you are; and if not, you'll always have yourself and really, who else do you need to be happy?

We talked about so much more but this was the part that I took the most from.
Next week she's going to come over to help me out with prom dress shopping!
Despite my pent up frustration with her, I really do love my mom. (:

Sick

Sorry, but this is going to be a rant.

I am so, so sick of everything lately. I'm tired of obsessing over the same stupid things and I really just want to forget everything and start over. Honestly, I wish my mom had let me start school earlier because I'm so fed up with high school right now & just really want to graduate. Going to college and starting anew sounds so good, I wish I could just fast forward and get high school OVER WITH.

It's raining. I want to sleep outside just so that it'll seem like something's new.

Feeling pathetic & then some

Even though the prom theme was only released yesterday, gossip about who's asking who and etc has already taken over the school. Being my first year eligible to go to prom, of course I really want to get asked but at this point, I really, honestly don't think anyone is planning on asking me. I promise I'm not saying this because I'm desperate and am hoping for a pity date or anything, but I'm saying this because this whole prom ordeal has allowed me to reevaluate myself. Today, someone asked me who I wanted to go with and I was caught off guard because I honestly did not know. After thinking about it for a little, I wished I had a boyfriend, or at least someone I was interested in. My idea of prom had always been the fairy tale story: the romance of being asked by that one special boy and being whisked to prom where we would spend the best dance of the year together, engrossed in each other rather than in the stupid shallow details like planning groups & etc. Totally unrealistic, hypocritical and romantic, I know, but it's always been what I wanted. This led me to think about why I wanted/felt like I needed a boy for me to be happy, just in general. It made me realize that it wasn't always the boy that I really wanted, but the attention that came with having a boyfriend. By the way, I don't mean for this to come off totally shallow like "oh, she only wants boys for attention" because it's not totally true; I only date boys whose personalities I adore, completely seperate from my own issues. It's more of a theory as to why I act the way I do, why I get oversensitive at times and why I always commit more than I should to relationships. (I'm sorry, but the following is going to be totally cliche.)

Growing up, my parents were separated and I lived with my dad who had to work full time to support my brother and I while my mom saw me (and continues to only see me) about once a month, if I'm lucky. While in some ways this has allowed me to become more independent, it's also made me crave attention because, and this is total theory, my mom's leaving me with my dad made me feel unwanted in so many ways. My lack of a support system at home pushed me to find one in any other place where I could. Despite all this sounding completely melodramatic, I've realized that I need to learn to be happy without basing my happiness on my relationship status or just others in general. My want for attention has forced me to compromise my will for someone else's wants/needs in the past and despite the unhealthiness of it, I allowed it to happen because (I realize how pathetic this sounds) I can't stand being alone. I honestly wish I could be like so many of my friends who are happy being independent. It's funny how I came up with all this from a simple question, but life's like that.

So, I think prom will just be a whatever event for me; I'm not going to go out and pursue a date. What happens, happens and I want to promise myself not to freak out if things don't go the way I want.

Mmm

I don't know why, but I find the idea of prom being held at an aquarium utterly romantic.

On that note, the end of the year is coming quickly and despite my desire to get APs over with, I really want time to pass slower. I hate thinking about all the seniors graduating, but at the same time I can't wait for the new experiences this summer... I'm so very indecisive and I hate it.

Blogs, again?

So I guess I'm starting up blogging again? Every time I try blogging it never sticks because I just get too lazy/caught up with other things in life... hopefully this time it'll stick since StephanieFong is making me do this. But besides the peer pressure, I guess it would be nice to keep track of the "best years of our lives" somewhere.

So yesterday I started the day off DETERMINED to get some major studying/cramming done for APUSH by going to Barnes & Noble in The Shoppes in the morning. Sadly, I only got to study for 45-ish minutes because Rosalyn called me, begging me to fill in for one of her models in her line for the NOVO Fashion Show at her church, VOH. To be completely honest, I was really hesitant about agreeing because I knew I had to get alot done, study-wise, but my teenage mindset convinced me to go and try out something new. So, disregarding my promise to myself to not procrastinate for once and skipping out on dance, I went to the show. I have to say I was happy I gave in to myself. My first fashion show was an amazing experience and I would really be willing to do it all again. Despite my previous misgivings about modeling in front of a ton of strangers, the thrill of being up there was enthralling. Plus, I got to see people that I haven't seen in a while and see an actual fashion show on both sides, on the catwalk and back stage.

I was so grateful everyone who came out to support us, like Felicia, Sharon & Merek, and everyone who put the show together. Sorry, cheesey; but I'm in a cheesey/sappy sort of mood. (: After the show, we went out to Diamond Plaza but Rosalyn, Sharon & I mostly stuck with each other and just had soo much fun dishing/laughing/having food fall out of our mouths. D: Despite how obnoxious we probably seemed to the public, I loved every second of it. Boy talks and just general talks about what we wanted out of life just really gave me time to reflect on what really mattered. Of course, after the meal we headed up to Cue, took fobby pictures, and headed to our cars, getting hit on by two creepy guys "visiting from San Francisco" along the way. I don't understand why they would even consider asking for our numbers, but whatever.

All in all, Saturday turned out to be an unexpectingly amazing day! (: